NBA ALL-TIME UGLY 1ST TEAM

PATRICK EWING (C)

Kicking things off at center number 33 Patrick Ewing.  This ugly summabitch fucked up my television screen for 17 seasons.  He looked like he was pissed off 95% of his career. 

ANTHONY MASON (F)

I know what you are thinking.  The Knicks was the perfect time to play for if you were an ugly muthafuckas.  He looks like he could be the son of that dude from Menace II Society....."You know you fucked up right. don't believe me?  See for yourself.

"So you brought the bottle of beer at...."

TYRONE HILL (F)

I'm sure Tyrone still pays top dollar for pussy. This man looks like he was pistol whipped as an infant.  S/O to the Crypt Keeper.

SAM CASSELL (G)



This man was the Poster Child for Ugly in the NBA.  I would not wish this man's looks on my worst enemy.

DELONTE WEST (G)

 

Delonte "Muthafuckin" West (Get it) completes the starting line up of ugly dudes.  I don't know if that red shit around his mouth is an untreated herpes sore or Lebrons mommas lipstick.  Either or this dirty fuck needs Jezus.




Jay's Favorite Crack Heads

GATOR

(Jungle Fever)

Lucinda Purify: What happened to the color TV?
Gator Purify: Mama, I smoked the color TV!

Gator made being a crackhead entertaining.  Right until the good Reverend doctor shot him in the gut with a .38. 

Gator Purify: I swear before God... and four more white people! This
is the last time!

Quotes like this is what make me appreciate a good dope fiend.  Check out one of my favorite clips

For the record, Hallie Berry was a sexy hype.  I think I would of paid $10 to smash her

I'll do it!!! You know I'll do it!!!

CHECK OUT THIS CLIP

Pookie

(New Jack City)

Chris Rock made people shed a tear for his pipe-head ass in New Jack City.  When he became a crack head in the movie, you could almost smell his dirty ass through the screen.  Too bad his relapse caused him to get shot in the chest..... RIP Pookie.

“It just be calling me, man. Calling me.”)

Eddie King Jr

(Five Heartbeats)

"Can't nobody sang like Eddie King Jr."  When this dude approached the Heartbeats after their show, and did an improptu performance in front of them.  It was no doubt that he was a full blown crack head.

"just 'cause I have one...
two, maybe two drinks sometime...
What, I'm an alcoholic now" YES MUTHAFUCK  IT DOES MAKE YOU ONE

Menace II Society Crackhead

I don't even know if this dude had a name in Menace II Society other then "bass head", but this muthafucka gave people a firsthand look at the dark side of how crack heads get their money.

Not only was he about to sell some cold cheeseburgers on a hot summer day to O-Dog, but he offered to take a mouth shot for a rock.  This eventually led to a few gunshots to the chest.  Tough Break Cracky

Ezel

(Friday)

Ezel wasn't the best, but he was one of the funniest.  I really think that he should of made an appearance in the other Friday movie's.  Check out this classic Ezel moment

BUBBLES

(The Wire)

Unlike our previous crack heads, Bub's eventually got his shit together when The Wire ended.  He had all the attributes of a true junky.  From the skin abrasions, to snitching for a twenty dollar bill, Bubs was one of the best.

Jay's Favorite Nip Slips

1. Janet Jackson

Some people remember what they were doing when certain events in history happened.  Like 911, OJ in a Bronco, or Rodney King getting his ass beat.  Well I remember exactly what I was doing when Janet Jackson's right mammary made a cameo at Super Bowl XXXVIII.  America was not ready for Lil Penny's nipple to grace there TV screens.  They acted like this was the worst thing on television. They had news reporters calling it shit Nipple Gate and shit.  Alright, So it's ok to show Saddam Hussein dead ass kids on television, but it's wrong for Justin Timberlake to show people a beautiful 40 year old titty. #SMH  TP GIVES THIS A 9.0 RATING

2. Tara Reid

Not really my favorite, but this was one of the funniest wardrobe malfunctions of all time.  Fresh off of a boob job, Mrs. Reids entire left titty popped out on the red carpet.  Her titty was so fake and lifeless, she didn't even realize it was hanging out.  Her nipple looked the plastic surgeon cut it off, let 3 hamsters chew on it for about 5 min, then attached it back to her breast meat. TP GIVES THIS A 3.5 RATING

3. Nicki Minaj

I'll be the first to admit I'm not a big Nicki Minaj fan, but on that one glorious day, when her lil chocolate nip walked into my life, she got my stamp of approval.  Even though it happened right around the time her boyfriend "allegedly" gave her a two piece and a biscuit.  I was still very impressed with the size, color, and overall presentation of her nipple. TP GIVES THIS A 9.5 RATING

4. Kelly Rowland

Nothing much to say about this one.  I'm really starting to believe that fake titty's have no feeling in them at all.  Her titty was hanging out for most of her performance and she didn't realize it.  Oh well.....made my night. TP GIVES THIS A 8.0 RATING

5.  Nicole Scherzinger

Allot of people are sleep on this one, but I'm not.  When this Pussy Cat Doll Left titty popped off stage, I instantly became a fan.  She is a perfect mix of Filipino, Hawaiian and Russian.  I remember when I saw the footage I was so thrown off by it that I text my mom and asked if she had a chance to see it.  TP GIVES THIS A 9.5 RATING

CHECK OUT THE WEBSITE FOR MY LATEST MOVE SHOTS FIRED

www.shotsfiredmovie.com